Richard Nicholls
Richard Nicholls
Richard Nicholls
The Richard Nicholls Podcast

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Achieving The Impossible

Episode 139: Achieving The Impossible

Look around you.
What inspires you?
Who inspires you?
Are you the stupidest person in the room?
If not, then you should be. And here’s why…
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Keeping Up With The Joneses

Episode 138: Keeping Up With The Joneses

I have a question for you dear reader.
How much of your real life do you reveal to the external world around you?

If someone asks you how you are, do you bombard them with your frustrations about your selfish spouse? Or about how you feel that your life is going by too quickly and there’s a sense of impending doom everywhere you go?

Or do you say “Fine thanks, you?”.
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The Likeable You

Episode 137: The Likeable You

Many people fall for the mistaken belief that being likeable is linked to something innate and unlearned, something you must be born with.
As if it’s linked to how attractive or talented you are.
Yet in reality being likeable is simply a matter of understanding other people, empathy. A skill that can easily be learned.
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The Psychology Of Extremism

Episode 135: The Psychology Of Extremism

There’s a lot of extremes around lately I’ve noticed.
Whether that’s religious extremism or political extremism it seems that you don’t have to go very far to hear a strong opinion about something from someone.

I regularly talk about finding a middle ground in life, too much concern vs too little concern that sort of thing and that moderate way of thinking doesn’t fit in well with the extremists so it can be difficult to learn how to pull yourself in a little, but it’s not impossible.

Understanding how we formulate these opinions can be very useful though, so here goes.

Firstly let’s look at our ego.
One thing that crops up a lot is that we like to be right…
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Are You A Lobster?

Episode 134: Are You A Lobster?

Almost 2000 years ago the man who was to become St Paul wrote that “Suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character”.

Nietzsche put it quite well with his phrase “That which does not kill us makes us stronger”.

And I went into some specifics about that a couple of years ago after a study was published that described the psychological states of students at Northern Illinois University following the valentines day shootings there in 2008.

This process is often referred to as Post Traumatic Growth, the idea that …
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Critical Thinking

Episode 133: Critical Thinking

If you have young children then you’re probably familiar with this one word that crops up every few hours.

Why?

Children are curious and have a lot to learn and so will question everything they come across.
But for some reason we get to an age where…
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There Is Nothing Either Good Or Bad

Episode 132: There Is Nothing Either Good Or Bad

As Old Bill Shakespeare once said "There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so"
In this episode I talk about the importance of distinguishing the meaning from an event that causes emotion and finding a better way of looking at it.
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The For And Against Of Imagination

Episode 131: The For And Against Of Imagination

Almost every self help book you read will say something along the lines of "If you can see it, you can be it!"
They tell you about the importance of imagining the end result of your hard work to motivate you to make it happen.
But what if they're all wrong!
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Loneliness & Social Networks

Episode 130: Loneliness & Social Networks

You’d think that the digital age would bring everyone closer together.
On the surface, Facebook looks as if it’s a great idea. It provides a great resource for fulfilling a basic human need.
The need for social connection.
But, rather than enhancing our well-being, research findings suggest that Facebook may actually makes us feel worse.
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Letting Go Of The Past

Episode 129: Letting Go Of The Past

How many times do you need to hear a joke before it’s no longer funny?
3?
4?
5?
What if you replayed that joke every day for a few years, would you find it anywhere near as funny as you did when you first heard it?
I doubt it.

So why do we find that we can hold onto bad experiences for years and still feel upset about it?
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What Is Love?

Episode 128: What Is Love?

As a wise man once said

“I’m in love, I’m in love and I don't care who knows it"

Granted, it was Will Ferrell in the Christmas film Elf, but the message still stands. But how do I know that I’m actually in love?
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Procrastination

Episode 127: Procrastination

There are many reasons why we procrastinate, often though it’s because of our inner dialogue.
It could be that we look at the end result as being unrealistic or, going back to my previous episode, we label ourselves as as an underachiever or lazy.

If your inner dialogue suggests to you that your end result is for other people, not for someone like you then challenge it.
Everyone has doubts but if there’s one thing you can guarantee it is that…
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Labels

Episode 126: Who Were You Before The World Changed You?

Do you have a label?

Whether that’s about your personality, your behaviour or even your job.
Do other people label you?

Unfortunately the way the brain works it means that labels are important.
We create shortcuts in the brain, called heuristics, to speed things up and labelling is one of the things it does to make our lives easier.
It helps us to pick out a threat in a hurry and so became a very useful instinct.

But, in a modern world what it can do instead is...
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Stop Saying Sorry

Episode 125: Stop Saying "Sorry"

If someone bumps into you do YOU say sorry or do they say sorry?

Common sense says being bumped into is nothing to apologise for, but if your self-esteem is low then your default thinking might be, “If I didn’t exist they wouldn’t have bumped into me, so it’s my fault.”
It sounds like an exaggeration, but I know for a fact that some of you do go through that process.

As a therapist, my job is to sit and listen as much as anything else, to give someone a space for them to be themselves, to say what they like about whatever or whomever they like without any fear of judgement or criticism.
So why, after
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The Lost Letter

The Lost Letter - By Richard Nicholls

It had been 6 weeks since the funeral.
Long enough to get used to the idea that he was an orphan now. Dan had laughed a little when he first used that word, orphan.
How old do we have to be before we no longer describe ourselves as that? He thought to himself. But to him, Dan was an orphan. After all both his parents had died, first his Dad, although that was many years ago and now his Mum.
But, at 57 years old to describe yourself as an orphan seemed odd, hence…
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